This is doing the email rounds …
10. When they ask “How are you today?” Tell them: “I’m so glad you asked because no one seems to care, and I have all these problems; my arthritis is acting up, I’ve been really constipated …” – see how long they stay on the phone!
9. If they say they’re John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask where it is located. Continue asking them personal questions about their company for as long as necessary.
8. Cry out in surprise “Judy! Is that you? Oh my God!, how have you been?” Hopefully this will give Judy a few brief moments of pause as she tries to figure out where the hell she could know you from.
7. If a phone company calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply in as menacing voice as you can: “I don’t have any friends … would you be my friend?”
6. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you sure could do with the money.
5. Tell the telemarketer that you are on “home incarceration” and ask if they could bring you a pizza and some beer.
4. After the telemarketer gives their spiel, ask him/her to marry you. When they get all flustered tell them you couldn’t just give your credit card details to a complete stranger.
3. Tell the telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask them if they will give you their home number so you can call them back. When he/she says that they can not give out their home number, you say: “I guess you don’t want anyone bothering you at home right?” then say, “now you know how I feel” say goodbye and hang up.
2. Insist that the caller is really a friend playing a joke: “Come on mate, cut it out, how’s it going?”
And first and foremost: Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write down every word they say.
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I had this in email a couple of months ago. I thought seriously about it and then realised that I hardly ever get telemarketers because I have a silent number. darn! (tongue in cheek there)
Re Telemarketers, all you have say is that you are a pensioner, everybody knows they don’t have any money and pretty soon you are off the listings. I don’t get any calls now. If it is a survey, ask how much they are paying for your valuable time and labour, which is what used to happen years ago.
I get these calls all the time . Usually they’re from India trying to sell phone services. Sometimes I humor them but usually I just hang up as soon as they start their spiel. They always ask to speak to the owner of the business. Once I replied, “OK, I’ll get the head-monkey for you; here he is now”. I’d never tried a monkey impersonation before but my chimpanzee act went down pretty well. The caller cracked up. I could hear lots af laughter in the background too. It was fun, and quite therapeutic.