I received an e-mail today with sayings attributed as Maharishi Fattifatbastard’s Guide to Zen:
* Don’t aspire to become irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.
* Never forget that you are unique, like everyone else.
* Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
* If you think nobody cares whether you’re dead or alive, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
* Before you judge someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you judge them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
* Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
* If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.
* Some days we are the flies; some days we are the windscreen.
* Good judgment comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgment.
* There are two theories about how to win an argument with a woman. Neither one works.
* Generally speaking, you aren’t learning much if your lips are moving.
* Never miss a good chance to shut up.
* Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
* Remember not to forget that which you do not need to know.